I'm taken with the notion
To love you with the sweetest of devotion
So, here's the scoop...
I am pregnant!!
That's right. This woman is fixin' to have a baby. Crazy, huh??
How could this have possibly happened?? Well...it wasn't my fault!! Not really!! Well, ok, it sorta was but I wasn't thinking. I really didn't think through the consequences to my actions! I really didn't!!
See, back in late March, I started taking prenatal vitamins. Not to get pregnant!! To help grow my nails nice and strong. Krystl (my sister) and I had really gotten into the natural nails and painting them all kinds of cool ways. My sister got REALLY good at manicures and cool designs. My nails, however, were weak and brittle. There are all kinds of "remedies" for growing stronger, healthier nails and most of them are expensive. Someone casually mentioned prenatal vitamins would do the trick and a big ole bottle of prenatal vitamins for $8 sure beat all the other "remedies". So, I started taking them here and there and saw the results and began taking them religiously in March.
Here comes June and BAM!! I'm pregnant.
I am still in shock. I don't quite know how to feel. Excited?? Nervous?? Scared?? Elated?? Stupid?? Freaked?? Thrilled??
I'm 44 years old. I have no insurance. I work contract jobs. AND I'M PREGNANT!!
I will be 9 weeks on Saturday. I want to tell everyone but with my history of miscarriages, I'm not sure. I've read all kinds of articles about it on the internet and most discourage telling anyone until after the first trimester. The only thing is my support system are my friends who are NOT anywhere near me. My family knows. His family knows. A few friends know. I feel like I need everyone to know because I need their love, support and above all their prayers for a full-term pregnancy. I understand that I have a high chance of miscarriage but if I should lose my baby, then I still have the love, support and even more importantly the prayers of everyone.
Keeping this to myself has been incredibly difficult because I tell everyone everything about me. I mean I don't keep very many things about me and my life to myself. It drives some of my friends nuts that I "tell all my business" but that's just how I am. Open and honest about who I am.
Back to this whole pregnancy thing!! Holy Hannah!! I'm 44 years old and pregnant!! I still can't wrap my head around it! I could almost forget that I am pregnant except the fact that my boobs hurt and I can smell EVERYTHING!! I wake up every morning and feel my boobs to make sure they still hurt and that I'm still pregnant. Weird, I know. But having miscarried several times, the pain is a comfort to me.
I am completely freaked out about everything right now. Finances, especially. I am looking for a permanent full-time position here in Houston that will get me off the road. The chances of the pregnancy being covered is slim to none so it's got to be a good job. I'm scheduled to go on a cruise in September but the closer it gets, the less likely I will be able to afford it. Plus, I'm not sure an employer will take well to letting me off in September for a week and then find out I'm pregnant.
There are many decisions to be made and a ton of preparations to make. Every day I get more excited but that excitement is still very muted for fear of losing what I've wanted the most.
Here's to a new adventure!! All the love, support and prayers sent my way will be completely appreciated.
