I went to visit my brother, Michael, today. I hadn't seen him in a couple of months due to my having to work weekends the last two months working at the hospital and then the two and some odd weeks of moving. So, I finally got the chance to go this morning.
Now, for those of you who don't know and most of you don't, my brother is currently incarcerated and is serving a 10 year sentence. I think he's done about 3 years but I honestly don't remember. It's been rough on him but he's finally gotten to a point where he is at peace with the punishment that was dealt him and understands his responsibility in his actions that resulted in him being taken away from his family. Now, that's not to say he's happy about it but he's found peace and that is an awesome thing to be able to say.
It's hard to see him there. For one, he's gotten chunky. LOL..but that has more to do with him working in the kitchen than anything else!! Plus it's hard because we have to sit on the other side of the table from him. That's just kinda weird but I guess it makes sense. But more than anything, it's hard to see there because he's there and not home. Soon...time will fly by!!
Anywho....It was a fun visit. My mom and I had already laughed pretty much the whole way there. We finally got there and we had to go through the usual procedure of opening the car hood and trunk for the security officer to look through. What exactly are they looking for?? Dead bodies?? Explosives?? Who knows!! Anywho...then we get our quarters (we always stop and get $20 worth of quarters to raid the snack machine and soda machine because those are the only "snacks" he can have) and drivers license and head into the building.
The lady officer meets us at the door and proceeds to pat my mom down and make her take off her shoes. Then she starts doing me and she asks me to move my hair. I didn't think I heard her correctly and said..What?? She said..."I need you to move your hair so I don't pull it." I started laughing and said.."Go ahead and pull it, it would be the only action I've gotten in a LONG time." We all cracked up laughing. I kinda embarrassed her but we laughed/giggled for a while. I'm a great ice-breaker that way.
So, I go in and then the other lady guard says.."She's wearing a sleeveless shirt." Come to find out that you aren't allowed to wear sleeveless shirts. (WTF??) Anywho...we ended up having to go to the Dollar store and I bought a white t-shirt to wear under my sleeveless sweater thingy. So, we're leaving the store and my mom says, "you should have known better!! You'd be turning those inmates on with those toned-arms " (read that with PLENTY of sarcasm!) We started laughing hysterically and then my mom said..."next thing you know, you're gonna be labeled a whore." OMG...we both lost it. I almost peed my pants. Me and my mom laugh A LOT!!
So, ok...the inmates there have to wear all white. I made a comment about this because it just struck me as odd. My mom said.."well, it's just like if you see a guy wearing all orange running on the side of the road. If you see someone wearing all white, you know they're some psycho that's escaped so you call the police." We cracked up laughing again. Michael's like thanks mom for calling me a retard and I said that's ok she called me a whore. LOL...my family!!!!
Anywho...Michael was in good spirits like he usually is. You can tell in his eyes and on his face that it's hard for him but that he's making the most of a bad situation. I told him that to some degree, I'm in the same boat. I don't want to be in Texas but it's the choice I made and I'm trying my hardest to be ok with it. Of course, it isn't anywhere NEAR the same but to me it sure feels like it!!
I told him all about the people I've reconnected with on Facebook and he was pretty amazed. Then we started reminiscing about high school and BYU days and had a good laugh.
My brother is the best man I know. He's a little defeated right now but I'm his biggest fan. He's the most amazing man I've ever met. He's slow to anger. He's got a heart the size of Texas if not bigger. He's a great storyteller (some true some not so true). He's quick to forgive and forget. He's a champion of the underdog. He's my spiritual leader because he KNOWS and he's patient with me and my lack of faith at times. He's also mortal. He makes mistakes and sometimes feels he isn't worthy of the blessings he receives.
I wish he could see himself through my eyes for just a moment. He'd be super surprised to see what I see. I know his faults...and he's got enough of them!! But I know his strengths and even though he shies away from those strengths, I know they are there. I also know that no matter what, he will ALWAYS be there for me. Right or wrong, he will love me and give me whatever strength he can to help me through it. THAT'S THE KIND OF MAN HE IS. No judgement, just love, love, love.
Michael has made plenty of mistakes or bad choices or maybe taken the harder road at times, but if he hadn't, I'm not sure he would have the compassion he has. He understands exactly what you're going through and knows your pain, your sorrow and to some degree that is very comforting to me. I love him. I love the man he is, right here and right now. He's my "home" when I'm lost. He knows exactly how to say things to me so that I listen. He is my twin in so many ways and I'm glad there is someone out there who gets me.
There will be plenty of people who will judge Michael for the crime he is serving time for but let them judge. I know Michael. I know he's been a fool. I know how bad it all got. I KNOW. But when it comes right down to it, Michael is my brother and I will defend him to the death. He doesn't deserve your judgement. For those of you who would judge, I would suggest you look at your own life and ask if there are not mistakes or choices you made where other people were affected or emotions were damaged or perceptions were misguided. It can be really ugly when you turn the mirror back on yourself. I did it many years ago and realized that I'd failed so many people and destroyed a lot of trust and stepped on a lot of hearts that it no longer mattered the degree to which I did it but that I had done it. It was an eye-opener.
Michael...I love you. I'm proud to call you my brother!! You are my hero!!
Always
Miche~
No comments:
Post a Comment