Lies! Lies! Lies!

Ok...it's been a while. And I have contemplated writing about this but I feel I just have to.

First of all because it gives a bit of an insight into self-delusion and as a secondary note, I think it's funny how someone who claims that most of my family is delusional is the worst of all.

OK...here's the scoop.

Last month, my Uncle Fernando and my cousin Alan came to Houston for the weekend. I had planned my trip home to coincide with this trip so that I could see Alan. I haven't seen him for many years and I was looking forward to hanging out with him. Alan was more excited to see my mom than anything else. He reveres my mom. He has always thought highly of my mom and not just because she was his mom's best friend.

Well, that weekend ended up being a bit of a disappointment. Not only because neither my mom nor myself were able to see my uncle and my cousin but because I was unable to attend the U2 concert in Dallas.

But what I found out later was completely unreal!!!

Alan messaged me on Facebook a little hurt that we didn't see him. I explained to him that dad had told my mom that they had postponed their trip. So, we thought they hadn't come. Otherwise, we would have had dinner with them or gone to Boling to see them because mom really wanted to see him.

Alan said he knew something was up because at dinner, when the question was asked where my mom and I were, there was no answer and the subject was changed rather quickly. LOL...go figure...no one wanted to admit that the oversight was deliberate.

But the kicker is...Derrick told Alan and my uncle that he was a scientist and a professional motivational speaker. LMAO...seriously?? Alan asked if that was true and I didn't know how to respond. So, me being me, I said...well if you consider a supervisor of a lab a scientist and a dad-a professional motivational speaker, then yes. I mean...what do you say??

Lies! Lies! Lies!

I thought it was hilarious. My brother is so lost. The man talks a great game. Don't get me wrong. He is very intelligent and can speak on almost any subject. But why would he feel the need to say he was something he was not in order to impress my uncle and cousin. Alan asked the same thing. I said..probably because he sees you all as successful and wants you to see him as the same. Who knows??

All I know is that boy is headed for a fall. You can listen to him and he has all the right answers. He says all the right things to make you think he's got it all together. He will spew forth scripture and quote General Authorities to show that he is spiritual. He's a great actor.

He has his good points. But they are obscured by the fact that he does not like who he his and he tends to reflect on the negative in EVERYONE else. He feels the need to do this, I think, because he can't understand why people are happy even if they are imperfect. And I don't mean superficially happy!! I mean the kind of happy that never waivers. The kind of happy and sense of self that only comes with understanding who you are and your purpose on this earth and loving God's creation for who it is--faults and all.

Derrick can't stand me. Mostly because he refuses to believe that someone like me--(read sinner) can be so happy and still love myself without prejudice. He doesn't understand why I don't have a problem sharing my faults and mistakes with those around me. He doesn't understand why with everything that's gone "wrong" in my life, I'm still incredibly positive and I manage to land on my feet. He sees me as a complete failure and yet I see myself as a complete success!! He doesn't understand that I have very few boundaries and don't mind it one bit.

I actually feel sorry for him. Well, not really. I would if I cared but I really don't anymore. He's a toxic person. As soon as this "high" that he's on fades...which will be in about a month or two...he'll go into another vicious and ugly low. He just puts on this little act because he thinks it's what will make people like him and accept him. And then when the strain and pressure of keeping the facade alive become too much to bear he breaks.

Why, oh why, is it so wrong to just be you??

I learned long LONG ago that I'm meant to be me. I can relate to people because I've been there done that. And the people I talk to know that I'm not just saying it to appease them or to comfort them, they know because I tell them exactly what I've done and where I've been. I know there is nothing wrong with this as I have helped many people mostly in the church understand that I'm not all talk. I am one of them. I'm working my way back and it's a daily struggle. I love that about me.

So, let him be the toxic person he is. I'll be the person I am. Heavenly Father loves us both either way. I just wish Derrick would realize that as ugly as the truth may be, it's better to be the real you than something that you wish you were. It's a lot less burdensome and a lot less disappointing. But I guess..it's something we each learn when we're supposed to unless we choose to continue to deny that we weren't meant to be carbon copies of each other. We were meant to be US. You were meant to be YOU.

So, lesson to all those. You may not like the ugly side of you but it is still you. You can change it whether it be by going to church, medication, or self-help books or a combination of all three. But you are YOU. Embrace you!! Love you!! Change what you want to change..not what you think you need to change or what someone tells you need to change. As time passes, you'll find that you'll change what should be changed when it's the right time for YOU. Don't let anyone tell you that you should be THIS or THAT in order to fit into their perception of what you should be. Don't compromise on who you are. You are an extraordinary creation and you should celebrate your uniqueness.

Don't let toxic people distort your perception of self. If you have these people in your life, avoid them. Think of them as a black hole. A hole that sucks everything into it and not even light can escape. They can be very deceptive. A wolf in sheep's clothing if you will. They are dark on the inside and abhor the light that is yours. Don't let them extinguish that light.

"Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God. I am the same that came unto mine own, and mine own received me not. I am the light which shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not." D&C 6:21